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Mirror, Mirror: He’s Got A Big Ego

Dear Vanity,

I love the stories on your blog, they're so steamy! It's so great that you're able to talk so openly about sex and you're not shy, keep up the great work. I'm writing to you because I have a small problem with my boyfriend. We've discovered the wonderful world of dirty talking during sex and well, it's not so wonderful. At first I thought it was gonna be so sexy and steamy like it is in the movies, but what it really is is him asking me to tell him how big his dick is and how much I like his big dick. Honestly, the problem isn't the size because he's *ahem* blessed; it's the fact that OUR dirty talk is all about HIM.

I feel like I'm just a prop or his buffer and all he cares about is me saying the right things to get him off. Sometimes I will just moan and pretend I didn't hear him ask me to say whatever it is he asked me to say but then he'll put his hand over my mouth and repeat it and so that ends the jig. He responds to the dirty messages I send him throughout the day and it turns me on but when he gets home and we're together it suddenly is all about him. Before the dirty talk we had a great sex life and we still do except for this one little thing.

My question is, how do I get my boyfriend to stop making me feel like I'm helping him read lines for an audition and give me the same dirty talk treatment he gives me via text/email? I can't wait for your input and I love you so much!


He's Got A Big Ego


Dear Ego,

I LOVE getting letters like yours! I love you for reading and i'm always gonna be me so I might as well be open and honest about it!

I can see why you might be frustrated with the situation that you're involved with when it comes to dirty talk. I LOVE dirty talk myself (although I don't know if I'm really any good at it) and I do sometimes find myself a little turned off when it's not a shared experience. It might be that he doesn't know what to say back to you because you may not have vocalized what you like to him. For example, he says to you that he wants you to talk about the size of his dick; you know what it is that he likes so you can give him that. Have you told him what you want him to say?

I mean obviously you want to do that in a way that isn't going to kill the mood; you don't want to say "I want you to tell me you're going to fill my pussy with your big dick", but you might say "Mmm…are you going to fill my pussy with up?" and he in turn will register "Hey, that's hot" and his response may be "Yeah, you want me to fill your pussy up?" Ta-da! You react to that and he logs that as a phrase he can go to in the future. Like all things, I think talking dirty is a little intimidating when you first start out because you're nervous and you don't want to say anything that's gonna sound corny and ruin the mood. Porn also teaches us that things real people find completely silly is the guideline for porn scripts…lol

Take your time with him, I'm sure he wants to please you as badly as you want him to and maybe if you want him to bring some of the stuff he's texting into bed with you you can slide those conversations in there. If you know there's something he texts you that gets you going, think about what you may have said to make him say that and try saying it to him while you're in bed, it's definitely trial and error with dirty talk, but once you both discover what you like you'll find that when your clothes fall off the smut will fly free!

Let me know how this turns out and remember, I'm not an expert; I just fuck like one!  

Keep it sexy with every stroke,  

- Vanity

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