I rolled over and looked at my phone. It was 9:30am and I had already missed a call today. I rubbed the sleep out of my face and tapped into my call log. The number had no name but one came up clear as day the minute I saw it. A thousand spark of electricity coursed throughout me and I called back the number. "Hello."
"Hi. Are you ok?"
"Are YOU ok?"
"I'm fine. I saw that you called and you don't ever call me, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. I didn't get a chance to talk to you at length last night when you reached out so I wanted to check on you to make sure you're ok."
"Oh. Thanks for checking, I'm fine."
"You don't sound ok."
"I'll be fine."
"Ok. Call me if you need anything else."
I hung up the phone and laid in bed looking up at the ceiling. It's the strangest thing when lovers become strangers. The call had been from my ex and although I knew I wasn't ok, we were no longer at a point where being vulnerable and open to him was appropriate. It had been months since we separated and one too many "well intentioned" phone calls and messages had informed me that he had moved on recently. As I closed my eyes and starting drifting off again, the phone rang.
"Are you busy?"
"Just lying in bed. What's going on?"
"I miss you. I just wanted to tell you that."
"I miss you too. I don't know what it's like for you but it's weird for me not talking to you like we used to."
"Yeah, I know. It's weird for me too. Do you work today?"
"Yeah, later on at my usual time."
"Don't take this the wrong way but are you alone right now?"
"Can I see you? I want to…talk."
I was trying not to make my breathing sound labored but I felt constriction in my chest like never before.
"Does right now work?"
"I'll see you in a little bit."
I hopped out of bed and into the shower. I didn't know what was going on but I wanted to be fully awake. 10 minutes later I stepped out in my towel and there he was sitting on my couch. He stood up when I walked out of the bathroom and we both looked awkwardly at each other. He looked more nervous than I ever remember seeing him before and my heart sank; he was here to deliver bad news.
"I wasn't expecting you so soon."
"I started heading over when I heard your voice the first call. You didn't sound ok and I wanted to check on you. I realized that I couldn't just let myself into your place anymore so I wanted to make sure it was ok to see you."
He started walking towards me and I felt my knees getting weaker with every step he took. I don't know what it is about this man but he always weakens me to a point of no control. As he got closer I could smell his cologne and feel his eyes all over me. I tightened up my towel and looked up at him just as he stopped in front of me. His hands slid the water that was dripping from me along my arm and I could feel the goosebumps rising as he touched me.
"Is this ok?"
I couldn't find the words to speak so I just nodded my head. His fingertips traced my collarbone and eventually found their way down to my towel. He pulled it just barely and let it fall to the floor. My erect nipples greeted him and I felt my whole body get warm. I hadn't seen him in months and hadn't felt him in just as long and now I was more nervous than he had previously looked.
"I'm going to wrap my arms around you and I'm going to kiss you. I don't want you to be nervous, I don't want you to hold back from me. I want you to give in. I need you to. Do you understand?"
Again at a loss for words, I nodded. He wrapped me in his arms and kissed me all in one motion and as his tongue massaged mine I felt life trickling inside of me. As soon as I started to kiss him back he broke our lip lock and led me to the bedroom. He gestured me onto the bed and his hands gripped my thighs. A soft moan escaped my lips and also served as a signal to him; he buried his face between my thighs and my back arched the further he burrowed. His tongue lashed around my clit and slid in and out of me voraciously. I clenched the bed sheets and struggled between deciding to clench my legs around his head or open my legs wider than they could go. He rested his forearms on my thighs to hold my legs open and I'm almost certain he wrote "I miss you" with his tongue in 12 different languages. I pushed his head away and he looked at me as if I had wronged him.